For many years, I thought ‘Jesus’ was the answer.
The question was: who first said “one cannot be a prophet in their own city”?
Because the statement is first recorded in the New Testament and associated with Jesus, people think he first said it. But if you dig deeper, the style is inconsistent with his other teachings, and the context indicates that it’s actually a quoted piece of ancient wisdom.
The earliest source I’ve found is the 4th century BCE Greek playwright Menander, who wrote: “No man is esteemed by those who knew him from the cradle”. I’m still looking.
But enough of the history lesson.
What does it have to do with intergenerational wealth?
Everything.
In families more than anywhere else, context is everything.
When business families sit around a board table ostensibly to make business decisions, it’s very easy for them to switch back to ‘kitchen table’ dynamics.
Relationship issues that have been there for decades – between parents & children, between siblings – can be the elephant in the room.
A human resource discussion regarding the suitability of a family member for a certain position in the family business may actually be a proxy for who is Mum’s favourite child.
And while a family member may be accomplished and knowledgeable, they may be viewed as that youngest spoilt brat whose opinion never counted for anything.
I lived this.
And I see it all the time in the families I work with.
One can’t be a prophet in their own city.
There is too much baggage.
Someone will always remember your humble beginnings (and remind you of them).
This is why:
- It’s a useful policy for family members to get outside experience and accreditation before joining the family business
- Outsiders are often needed to facilitate family discussions
Getting outside experience can help mitigate the “own city” bias. It demonstrates that the family member can make it somewhere else on their merits.
That can be as important for the family member themselves as for the family.
While I grew up around a family business and worked there as a student, I needed to get a job elsewhere. It was about proving to myself that I could get a job using what I knew, rather than whom I knew.
When it comes to family meetings, external facilitators help in many ways:
- Family members are on better behaviour in the presence of outsiders
- Mediating the power dynamics in the room
- Ensuring everyone follows an agreed code of conduct and has a voice
- Helping the family have focused discussions that lead to good decisions
It’s hard to do this as a family member.
For my immediate family, we engaged someone else, despite knowing exactly what we needed to do and how to do it.
I tried with my wider family and sadly, was unable to help.
That’s what drives me to help other families.
To be their prophet from another city.
Conversation Starters:
How do you take a comment about family business from a family member differently from an outsider?
Who are the ‘prophets’ in your family whose opinions have been rejected?
How have external advisors helped your family?
Further Reading
Even The Ultra-Rich Stink At Talking About Money With Their Heirs
How intergenerational advisory teams are managing the great wealth transfer
The dynasty dilemma: Secrets to balancing family and external leadership in family businesses
The loneliness of the next-gen family member: The challenge of finding purpose
Tips for engaging siblings not in the family business
The art of ‘heavy’ conversations as an advisor
Finding a purpose for family wealth during uncertainty
Sun Tzu’s The Art of War: Two Teachings for Family Advisory
The family office next-gen sandwich: Keeping generations together
When Your Family Business Has a Conflict Over Governance
Why Governance — Not Growth — Will Define the Next Era of Family Offices
More family offices adopt constitutions — but don’t always use them
