People ask me this regularly, and it’s a tough one.
The family is travelling together, and the parents usually travel business class. The kids are old enough to look after themselves on a plane, but where should they sit?
Some years ago, my parents, my wife and I, and a few of our children (then aged 10-15) happened to be booked on the same 15-hour flight home. The three generations of our family mapped to the three classes of travel on that plane.
Some families ask: “what’s the right thing to do here?” to which I respond that there is no right or wrong; there are only consequences. Start by accepting this and therefore seek a policy that is right for your family, and one where you consider the consequences – intended and otherwise – of the policy.
Let’s also assume for these purposes that it’s not a financial decision – “can we afford this?” Rather the decision is “should we spend money on this?”
That gives the decision a strong moral or ethical lens, which suggest that it should be driven by the family’s values.
The other factor to consider is communication: how any policy will be explained to the stakeholders (who may not be the decision-makers).
Here’s a good question to prompt the family discussion: what family values would underpin the decision to have the kids fly business class? Or not to?
The ‘yes’ case: Pleasure, Prosperity, Fairness, Success, Enjoyment, Belonging
The ‘no’ case: Self-control, Moderation, Responsibility, Prudence, Discretion
These values examples are ones that I think might support an argument either way. This is not something to be taken as prescriptive and is very subjective.
The choice of values to support each case is two-fold: the values that the family chooses to live by, and the values they would like to model for future generations (and we’d like to think they are the same).
This is where the communication piece comes in. Whatever the family decides, it needs to have a fair and justifiable answer to: “why can’t we fly in the front of the plane with you?”
It’s essential not to lie when answering questions like these. Both you and the kids know that “we can’t afford it” is not true. While other phrasings like “it’s not a responsible use of money” might be more correct, they may not be sufficient to close the debate. It can be helpful to workshop the potential family discussions within the decision-making group, so you are ready for the tough questions.
Families often express concern about “spoiling” children, and that concern is genuine. Some families choose to limit financial support for kids between certain age ranges (e.g. 18-30) so they can learn the values of hard work and fiscal prudence. Once those lessons are learned, access to family capital is far more generous.
This is why shared values articulation is such a foundational piece in any work I do with families. It makes for better quality decision-making, as well as decisions that are readily explained and justified to the wider family group.
Conversation Starters:
What does your family wealth do to improve your lives?
What policies do you have for how family wealth is deployed for the benefit of family members?
Which family members decide on those policies and how?
Further Reading
What It’s Like to Grow Up With More Money Than You’ll Ever Spend
Intergenerational wealth transfer is a family affair
Wait a Minute. How Can They Afford That When I Can’t?
Is it time for inheritance to end in favour of spending it yourself?
Are UHNW families too discreet for their own good?
What Should You Do After You’ve Won Powerball Or Mega Millions?
