It can be hard for rising gens to have the space to pursue their passions.
What if their family has zero appreciation for what their passion even is?
Oscar award winning movie CODA (2021) is the beautiful story of high school student and talented singer Ruby whose parents and brothers are deaf.
Her music teacher encourages her to sing, while her parents struggle to make ends meet in their fishing business. As the only hearing member of the family, she is needed on the boat and to interpret for the family.
Ruby’s internal conflict is core: do what’s best for her family or pursue her dreams?
After a setback where it becomes clear that she cannot do both, Ruby decides to forgo music school and join the family business full time. This ignites friction with her brother Leo, who tells her not to give up on her dreams.
The turning point comes when the family attend her choir recital.
The film shines in portraying how Ruby’s family gain an appreciation for her singing talents, and Ruby reciprocates. The scenes are brilliantly done.
You can guess how it ends; this isn’t a thriller with plot twists.
If you haven’t already seen it, please do.
The title CODA – children of deaf adults – refers to hearing children who are born to deaf parents. These children often experience communication, social, and cultural challenges because of the unique difference between the deaf and hearing worlds.
This is a helpful metaphor for family enterprises.
Sometimes, parents and children seem to live in different worlds.
That is not a signal that something is wrong with your family.
It’s just the way each are wired: physically, emotionally or socially.
That was certainly my lived experience.
It culminated in an exchange with my father, weeks before he passed, which highlighted the huge bridge between how we viewed the world.
I view it as a special moment – one of acceptance for me that acknowledged our differences.
The film demonstrates how efforts from both generations can bridge the gaps between them.
Ruby knew her parents could never hear her sing.
Yet they each found a way to convey what it meant.
Understanding the perspective of someone with a very different lived experience is hard at the best of times.
The emotional bonds of family can make it even harder.
Tension can come from implied obligations to the family enterprise.
This is where external and independent advisors can help.
They can mediate between generations within a family to build a bridge.
Help them develop a common language despite their differences.
Conversation Starters:
Does if feel like your parents/children are “deaf” to your needs and talents?
How does this manifest?
What have you done to bridge things between generations?
PS Watch the movie as a family then talk about it.
Further reading:
We Are the Generation That Doesn’t Want Relationships
Cook: Every generation has accomplishments, shortfalls
Is the Chinese succession model doomed to fail?
NEXT GENERATION ANXIOUS OVER SUCCESSION OF FAMILY FORTUNES
Family meetings: An important strategy for preserving wealth
The weigh-in: Should the next generation be obliged to continue their family business or legacy?
