“The problem is not wolves at the door but termites in the floor.”
Author Os Guinness was talking about the future of America in his 2012 book, but the comment applies equally to families.
It’s obvious what to do when wolves are at your door; they pose a clear and present danger. You need to act with urgency to stave them off.
Termites in the floor, on the other hand, are barely noticeable. You can deal with them … tomorrow. So instead you push things off and do nothing … until the house collapses.
Termites are actually worse than that, because the floors and walls may be full of them but you may not see them … unless you look closely for the signs.
—————————–
Your family is like a house – it needs a strong foundation:
- Communication & trust
- Shared vision & purpose
- Good governance
From time to time, wolves will come to the door. They are crises that you need to deal with immediately. They are usually things external to the family – changes in market conditions or the economic environment, or competitive factors that affect operating business.
These external challenges often relate to financial capital. You can keep the wolves from the door by ensuring that you (as a family) are aligned on purpose, have well-articulated investment policy and governance, and are suitably diversified. While you can’t control or prevent those external factors, you can be ready to weather them when they happen.
A family flare-up that relates to non-financial capital, such as family dynamics, succession & the rising gen, might seem like another wolf at the door. But it’s not.
These things don’t come out of the blue; they often relate to longstanding and unresolved issues between family members. These are the termites in the floor.
Either you don’t notice them, you pretend they are not there, or you consider them important but not urgent. Dealing with them is much harder than things like investment policies. They relate to deeply held emotions. It’s much easier to put them on the back burner, find other priorities etc.
… until they explode and the house collapses.
This is the other important difference: wolves are external threats, but termites are internal. Most empires are destroyed from internal decay, and it’s the same with families. If an empire/family is internally strong, not only can it withstand wolves, but it is vigilant about staying termite free. If it is weak internally – poor communication, lack of trust, no shared vision, poor governance – then it’s just a matter of time before it will collapse.
How to be termite-free?
Build a strong foundation (see above)
Be on the lookout for termites
Don’t delay in dealing with them
Conversation Starters:
What issues are festering in your family?
What happens when they flare up?
Further reading:
Family firms need to have hard conversations, experts say
Use the festive period to prevent future conflict in your family business
Following Up the Family Meeting — Steps to Preserve Family Wealth
Opinion: Generation labels mean nothing. It’s time to retire them.
Why Family Disputes Are Rising In English Courts
Hoflander aims to help generations understand each other in new book
Succession Fireside Chat: How do business families deal with conflict? Part 1 – Key themes when helping business families
